Skirts and Trousers
by coolhacker1025
Summary: The Doctor finds himself in an alternate dimension, where the Doctor has some rather strange clothing. ONESHOT


Skirts and trousers

Crossover with Lucillia's "Choice of style"

The Doctor was piloting the TARDIS through space. It started crashing about.

"Hang on, Clara!" the Doctor shouted to his companion. "She's going somewhere. I just don't know where. The materialisation sequence has started."

The TARDIS landed. When the Doctor opened the door, he found himself in an identical TARDIS, with an identical Doctor and Clara. Well, almost identical.

"Where are we?" asked his Clara, walking out. Her jaw dropped as she saw the familiar console, the familiar her, and the Doctor who looked almost identical to her Doctor. She went back in the TARDIS, took a look around, and came back out.

"Doctor, the TARDIS has landed in the TARDIS," she said. "That's not supposed to happen, is it?"

"No, it's not," said the Doctor, turning to talk to his counterpart, and looking at the other Time Lord's sense of style, which was worse than his, and that was saying something.

"What in the name of sanity are you wearing?" asked the Doctors at the same time. They responded with two different exclamations at the other's apparel.

"You're wearing trousers," said the other Doctor, just as the Doctor said, "You're wearing a skirt."

"It's a kilt, thank you very much," said the other Doctor in the same exact accent as The Doctor.

"Why are you wearing a...kilt?" asked the Doctor.

"I could ask the same thing of you," said the Other Doctor. "Why are you wearing...trousers?"

"I've always worn them," said the Doctors at the same time.

\\\/

Clara went over to talk to her counterpart. "Being on the TARDIS, this isn't even the strangest thing that's happened to us," she said, as her counterpart nodded.

"Did the TARDIS lock you out of your bedroom, and then make those illusionary versions of us?" asked Other Clara.

"Yeah, I hated that," said Clara. "Were two of yours attracted to each other?"

"Yep," said Other Clara. "Though, seeing it properly, I certainly wouldn't be opposed. Did you jump into the Doctor's time-stream?"

"Run you clever boy and remember me," Clara intoned. "Yeah, I did that, too. So what do you think, alternate dimensions?"

"Sounds right."

\\\/

"So you've been wearing these kilts since you walked into a bar?" asked the Doctor.

"There was a ginger-haired bloke at the pub that was being thrown out," said the Other Doctor. "He and I exchanged words, and I went back to the TARDIS, and found a kilt in the Wardrobe."

"I've got one question to ask. The planet of the pudding-brains, and you choose _that_ fashion statement? Why?"

"I've always hated trousers, didn't you?" asked the Other.

"I've always sort of liked them," said the Doctor. "There were times, though, that I wished Rose would've relieved me of them. So the Point of Divergence is not the Bar, but some time before then, but after we left Gallifrey. Why didn't Susan object?"

"She was in school, the silly girl," said the Other. "Remember we used to take walks around London during that time period."

"Yes, but I've always tried to fit in," said the Doctor. "Look human."

"Really?" asked the Other. "What did your Fourth Incarnation look like?"

"Don't tell me that you went all Bohemian and added a skirt?" pleaded the Doctor. "You had the big scarf and the hat, and a _skirt?_ "

"It's a kilt," said the Other. "Did you have the jumper with the question marks?"

"Yeah, I had that," said the Doctor. "Except I wore pants. I'm almost afraid to ask what you wore in your Ninth."

"All leather, all the time," said the Other. "Rose seemed more than willing to relieve me of that leather kilt more than once. Now that I think of it, perhaps I should have worn a different material."

"What about the one in the War?" asked the Doctor. "You did have the Time War, right?"

"Yes, and I ended it the only way I could," said the Other. "We locked Gallifrey away in an alternate dimension, causing the Daleks to destroy themselves. Eleven, Ten, and the War Doctor came up with that, and then used the internal TARDIS messaging system to contact all known Doctors."

"I, I, and I did that, too," said the Doctor. "I got the message for this one right after I'd regenerated. Right after I'd defeated Half-Face Man. What did you wear for the War? The Seal of the High Council of Bloody Gallifrey?"

"I wore a red kilt during that time," said the Other. "Helped to hide the blood. Did you go all Scottish for Ten?"

"Well, a little bit Scottish, especially right before I got banished," said the Doctor. "But mostly English."

"Queen Victoria and the Werewolf, I remember that!" said the Other. "I fit in just fine there!"

"The Queen didn't berate you on your choice of dress?"

"We were in Scotland on the Torchwood estate," said the Other. "I suppose that you went for a standard suit for eleven?"

"With a bow-tie and sometimes a fez, of course," said the Doctor. "Don't tell me you mucked _that_ one up with a skirt."

"It's called a kilt," said the Other. "I looked like a proper Scottish gentleman in that incarnation—like Sean Connery, except with my face. Of course, also with the bow-tie. Oh, Amy used to hate that bow-tie."

"Yeah, she did," said the Doctor, reminiscing. "Now, I think it looked rather silly. Especially with that body. Enough about the kilt...where are you in our time-line?"

"Just visited Skaro with the Master—who's a woman now, if you'd believe it—and Clara."

"You were summoned by Davros and his Snake Colony?"

"Yes, and Missy tried to get me to kill Clara," said the Other. The Doctor nodded, as that had happened with his own Clara. "If she would have just said the words, I could have gotten her out of there quicker."

"Which words?" asked the Doctor before realising what the answer was.

"Run you clever boy, and remember," they said in unison.

\\\/

"Before I leave, though, have you ever seen this face before?" asked the Doctor.

"Every time I look in a mirror," said the Other Doctor.

"I mean, besides that," said the Doctor, slightly irritated at his counterpart. This always happened when there were multiple versions of him in the same place.

"It's funny you should ask that," said the Other. "I set the TARDIS to scan Earth for this face, and I've come up with two matches."

"But the genetic profile is random among non-related people," said the Doctor. "Only two matches?"

"One was at Pompeii on Volcano Day," said the Other, at which point the Doctor hit himself in the head.

"The guy who bought the TARDIS as a modern art piece! Caecilius!" said the Doctor. "Yes, in my Tenth incarnation with Donna—what a shame what happened to her."

"You had to wipe your version's memory as well?" asked the Other. The Doctor nodded.

"Who was the other person with our face?"

"John Frobisher," said the other. At the Doctor's look of non-recognition, the Other Doctor explained. "Apparently he worked for Torchwood and was a liaison to the British Government and an alien species known as the 456."

"Which Torchwood?" asked the Doctor. "Jack's or the first one."

"He worked with Jack," said the Other. "Though he was a bit wild. Bit of an ass, really. I think that we really would've hated him if we'd met him."

"Now, the question is: was I trying to tell myself something with this face, or is the Universe?" asked the Doctor. "Or is it like Bad Wolf, where something I do will cause both of those men to have my face?"

"Oh, how I miss Rose," said the Other. "Locked away in Pete's World with the Tenth Doctor Duplicate."

"You did that, too?" asked the Doctor.

\\\/

"Now, how do we leave?" asked the Doctor. "Can my TARDIS take off, or is it the same type of thing like I'd parked my TARDIS in my TARDIS?"

"Set the friction contrafibulator at 60, and turn knob five to 110, and put on the boring-ers," said the Other. "I think that's what did it when we had that incident with Amy. Then just set the controls back to your own universe."

"At least this time I can't insult the Desktop, as it's the same one," said the Doctor, walking back to his TARDIS. "Clara, time to go!" he yelled. He looked over and saw the two Claras embracing and perhaps kissing.

"Clara, we have to go, or we'll blow a hole in the Space-Time Continuum the size of...Belgium!" he called out, and his Clara reluctantly came over. "Why is it always 'Belgium'?" he muttered to himself as he walked into the TARDIS.

"Goodbye, Doctor!" called the Skirted...no, Kilted Doctor.

"Goodbye, Doctor!" called the Doctor. "I hope to never see that on my body again!" he shouted as one parting insult.

He set the controls, and the TARDIS took off. "Now, where were we?" he asked, as he noticed the TARDIS going to Earth sometime in Scotland in the 22nd century.

OMAKE: What if it had been the 11th Doctor?

The TARDIS landed. When the Doctor opened the door, he found himself in an identical TARDIS, with an identical Doctor and Clara. Well, almost identical.

"Where are we?" asked his Clara, walking out. Her jaw dropped as she saw the familiar console, the familiar her, and the Doctor who looked almost identical to her Doctor. She went back in the TARDIS, took a look around, and came back out.

"Doctor, the TARDIS has landed in the TARDIS," she said. "That's not supposed to happen, is it?"

"No, it's not," said the Doctor, turning to talk to his counterpart, and looking at the other Time Lord's sense of style, which was worse than his, and that was saying something.

"What in the name of sanity are you wearing?" asked the Doctors at the same time. They responded with two different exclamations at the other's apparel.

"You're wearing trousers," said the other Doctor, just as the Doctor said, "You're wearing a skirt."

"It's a kilt, thank you very much," said the other Doctor in the same exact accent as The Doctor.

"Why are you wearing a...kilt?" asked the Doctor.

"I could ask the same thing of you," said the Other Doctor. "Why are you wearing...trousers?"

"Trousers are cool," said Doctor Prime. "Kilts are cool," said the kilted Doctor.

"No, no, they aren't" they said at the same time.

"It's like monk clothing," said the trousers-wearing Doctor. "Looking like a monk is _not_ cool. Wearing a kilt is not cool."

" _Au contraire,_ Doctor," said the kilted Doctor. "Wearing trousers is very much not cool."


End file.
